i haven't tried to contact him,
i haven't contacted him.
i haven't seen him since.
it's only been two days, but it feels like 2 years.
maybe im over-exaggerating.
i don't care, i don't know how to contact him.
except more parties, so im going to one tonight.

i hope i see him, i hope he sees me.
i've decided to dress nice.
white tank top, high-waisted burgendy skirt.
wavy blonde hair, straight across bangs.
pale lips, dark eyes.

some of these girls that go to these parties,
are so much more beautiful, so much more thin.
that i hardly stand a chance.
plus we are so different.
hes so shy, i'm so unshy, outgoing.
he's always so clean, sometimes i don't shower.
his lungs are clean, my lungs haven't been clean for a while.
keep your fingers crossed for me, and i'll post as soon as i get home.

ever since i put on 20 pounds.
now i way 125. i want back down to 105, i'll take it from there.
and i'll go lower.

I was at a party lastnight and i met this boy, he is very cute.
i think i want to get to know him.
and he was shy, which is always even cuter.

"Hey i haven't seen you before, i'm Charlie."
he looked in my eyes, but couldn't hold my stare.
"Hi, i'm Luke."

I couldn't help but imagine what sex would be like with him.
I think it would be more than sex, i think it would be making love.

sorry for leaving, guys. thanks for staying.

i've decided i want to marry ryan pinkston.
he is the most beautiful being on this planet.
if i could have him, then i'm sure i'd be happy.

i don't think he'd have me, ever.
i am not fabulous.
i am a simple girl, with a weight problem.
i've gained back so much weight,
this time i want to lose it the healthy way.
i promise :)

i hate everything.
i hate how nothing ever works out.
i hate how everybody underestimates me.
i hate how i revieve looks of pity.
i just hate, everything.